This week, Gossip Girl has Dan feeling the effects of his threesome, Jenny taking a walk on the wild side, Serena hurtling towards the stupid end of the pool and Blair continuing to plot her domination of NYU as Lady Gaga puts in a guest appearance. Meanwhile, Nate manages to look pretty while being banished to the Friends Zone.
Dan Humphrey, who has been high-fiving his way across campus, has bought into his own hype as the man who scored with a world-famous starlet and somehow ended up pulling off a threesome with his best friend. Nate calls him out on his supreme stupidity, insisting that the “third” should have been a total stranger. He cites his credentials as the voice of experience as Chuck Bass’s best friend and having dated (Very Vocal) Vanessa. Dan still gloats it up and insists he and Vanessa are still BFF and nothing has changed, even going to a Morrissey concert with V later that night. Ah, hubris thy name is Humphrey!
Meanwhile, Congressman Tripp still wants to get his bill in Serena’s house, even though he’s married. Tempted to Tripp the light fantastic, Serena staves off temptation and spills her guts about the situation to Nate, who is all too happy to rekindle his friendship with her. Playing counselor to Serena (as well as Dan and everyone else on the Upper East Side), Nate advises her to avoid Tripp’s phone calls and drives home the point that getting involved with a married man would be bad for her and even more disastrous for his cousin’s political career. Speaking of Tripp, Nate’s mommy pays a visit to Cuz and tells him that she knows that it was Tripp’s wife, Maureen, who orchestrated Hudson-Gate and not dear old Grandpa Van Der Bilt. This is just the thing that Tripp needs to set him off on a path of mistrust with his wife and a ham-fisted excuse to pursue his feelings for Serena. He calls Nate to tell him how confused he is and Nate is torn between playing the Good Cousin and the Good Friend.
After a day of pal-ing around town, Nate and Serena wind up at a bar. Several drinks later, Nate breaks down and confesses Serena that he loved her and that he was going to tell her two years ago at the masquerade ball. Instead, he actually told a masked Jenny Humphrey, who he thought was Serena. Nate and Serena are about to kiss when Tripp walks into the bar, pouting about what he now knows about his wife. Stupid Serena ditches Nate and makes with the tongue action on Tripp as Nate sits forlornly at the bar.
In a sub-plot, Chuck has former stepsister Little J entertain the son of a Belgian hotel magnate whom he’s dealing with. The Belgian Boy Babe has been doing some “dealing” of his own, as it turns out and is an international drug dealer. Jenny is plainly smitten with the dashing dude and agrees to help him slide his product under the table at a night club. It’s Chuck Bass to the rescue, booting the Belgian from the club and putting the kibosh on his deal with Daddy. He advises Jenny to steer clear of this guy, but then again, Queen J believes only she knows what’s best for her and is seen texting Dealer Dearest on her cell, hoping to meet up for a rendezvous, possibly in an upcoming episode. (Oooh! Little J’s going to develop a Little Habit! I love it!)
As is Blair’s habit, she’s back on track towards amassing more power to her NYU clique. Realizing that drama of the Hollywood variety takes precedence to mere breeding, Blair attempts to infiltrate the NYU drama mafia by dropping stepdaddy Cyrus’s name as an entertainment lawyer with connections who can score the school a Lady Gaga appearance at the student cabaret. When the drama mafia brushes her off and denies her a spot on the caberet, La Waldorf makes another plan and uses the tension between the Dan/Olivia/Vanessa faction as pawns to fuel her combustion engine.
Olivia has a plan of her own to prove to Vanessa that she’s still Dan’s #1 girl and Vanessa will always be (in the immortal words of Biz Markie) “just a friend.” Intent on staying at NYU since her movie deal fell through, Olivia intends to make full use of NYU’s stellar drama department to hone her acting chops. This coincides nicely with Dan’s ambition to get into the school’s writing program, Tish.
Blair butters up Olivia to get a slot on the caberet and Olivia uses her star power to bring in Dan as a writer for her cabaret skit, a rockin’ reimagining of Snow White using Lady Gaga’s music as a backdrop for the action and character development. Olivia is set to play Snow White as a pop star chanteuse with Dan as Prince of Charming records. Even better, the cabaret show coincides with the date of the Morrissey concert, leaving poor Vanessa out in the cold.
What Olivia wasn’t counting on was Dan bringing in Vanessa to direct the cabaret play/skit. Although Olivia is the lead, Vanessa is intent on having the Four Dwarves upstage her, dropping bitch-bombs left and right in an attempt to assert her own authority as Dan’s #1. Olivia retaliates by telling Vanessa that she knows she’s in love with Dan and that it’s painfully obvious to everyone else, as well.
Things come to a head when Vanessa and Olivia throw down with each other and both angrily storm out during rehearsal. Blair, fittingly cast in the role of the beautiful Evil Queen (with poor Amalia as her Magic Mirror), realizes what’s going on and comes to the conclusion that Dan Humphrey had a three-way with Olivia Burke and Vanessa. Echoing Nate’s sentiments that the third should never be someone you will see again, Blair’s blackmail machine kicks into high gear.
Not allowing her shot to wow the NYU drama mafia, Blair threatens both Vanessa and Olivia with broadcasting the news of their three-way not only to the entire school, but to Gossip Girl, TMZ and any other major tabloid if they don’t get back into the show.
Olivia phones in a performance as Snow White before abandoning her role during the second act, leaving Vanessa to step in as a “post plastic-surgery” Snow White. Flashbacks to tender moments during the threeway with just Dan and Vanessa ensue when Dan kisses her in the role of Snow White.
The show is a big hit with the NYU drama crowd and Blair scores extra brownie points for not only her bravura (albeit somewhat typecast) performance and an appearance by Lady Gaga who shows up to sing her latest song, “Bad Romance.”
Afterwards, Olivia understandingly tells Dan that she knows how he feels about Vanessa and that it’s more than just friends. She’s leaving to star in a new film, but will return to NYU in the fall, leaving the door open for them at a later date. Dan still thinks he’s got a steady girl… Until Vanessa says she’s hit it off with some dude in the drama department, leaving Dan to contemplate his reinstated status as “Lonely Boy.”
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